


Jumble

by Agin



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 08:45:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17998655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agin/pseuds/Agin
Summary: "John blinks and averts his gaze."





	Jumble

**Author's Note:**

> I do hope, this one’s not too confusing.
> 
> As I don’t have a beta-reader, all mistakes are truly and completely mine.

One

It’s a day like any other. Or maybe just like many others, John concedes, holding the door closed against some giant alien killer-wasp. 

  


Four

John stares unseeingly ahead. The window sill is cold against his naked hip. 

“If you are going to run, do so already,” he hears McKay’s sleep-addled voice drifting over. “Or else come back to bed.” 

Picking up his clothes from where they are wildly strewn about the floor, John doesn’t lift his gaze even once. He leaves with his left sock still missing, feeling weirdly exposed. 

  


One

It’s a day like any other. Or maybe just like many others, John concedes, holding the door closed against some giant alien killer-wasp. 

“Work faster”, he edges McKay on. 

“I’m already doing what I can”, the man’s irritated voice sounds from under an almost completely destroyed console. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be a genius?” 

McKay just grumbles, rummaging some more, shifting around with his head deep down. His trousers are pulled taut across his backside. John blinks and averts his gaze. 

  


Six

McKay is kissing Dr. Keller. Right there, in front of John. As if nothing… Nothing _had_ happened. Officially. And that’s what John holds on to. 

He squeezes the glass in his hand so hard, it makes a cracking noise. No one notices, and that’s good. No one notices because nothing had happened. 

  


Nine

“Shut up!”, McKay says and shoves John. It’s dark outside and silent. Silent as John himself. “Shut up!”, McKay says anyway and shoves him. 

  


Two

Back at Atlantis, an angry wasp dealt with and just some scratches to show, John slaps McKay on the back. He doesn’t mean to linger, doesn’t mean to let his hand rest on a surprisingly strong shoulder for even the duration of one breath, let alone three, four…

John jerks back. Something is seriously wrong with him.

Ignoring McKay’s look, he leaves the gate-room as fast as he can get away with. 

  


Seven

It should be heaven. 

John hasn’t had an orgasm yet. But there are three naked and beautiful women on and under him. The dream of many men. John closes his eyes like he always does and tries to enjoy the hell out of this orgy.

  


Five

Later, hours after John has left McKay’s room with one sock short, everything seems completely normal. At least McKay is acting like it. 

This shouldn’t bother John at all. On the contrary. 

  


Six

McKay is kissing Dr. Keller. 

They make a nice couple, her lithe frame perfect under his strong hands. John knows how strong, wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t –

Yeah. Nice couple. 

Some time later, John grins at McKay and slaps him on the shoulder. His touch doesn’t linger. He makes sure of that. 

  


Three

John has no idea how it happens. But in one moment, he is making fun of McKay’s new, purple bed linen, and in the next he is lying on said linen, McKay’s tongue pushing between his lips and his own hands on the other man’s ass. Squeezing without conscious thought. 

John yanks his head back, panting. “I’m not gay”, he says. Lies. But this is something he doesn’t admit, doesn’t deal with, think of. Ever. 

“Sure,” McKay answers, and maybe he is sarcastic, maybe assenting. 

  


Eight

“Did you have fun?”, McKay asks with obvious reproach underlying his voice. 

“Three women at once. Who wouldn’t have fun?”, John answers. Smirks. Forces himself to smirk. 

“Nice”, Ronon says. They bump fists. 

Huffing exasperated, McKay goes off to do… something, while John doesn’t look after him. 

  


Nine

McKay shoves John. “You make me furious! More than anyone or anything. And that’s something to say.” 

John wants to kiss him. 

  


One

It’s a day like any other. Or maybe just like many others, John concedes, holding the door closed against some giant alien killer-wasp. 

McKay comes up from under the damaged console, brushes his hands on his trousers to get rid of some dirt, and John’s eyes follow the movement. 

  


Three

“Sure”, McKay answers and yanks John’s head right back, resumes the kiss as if no words had been spoken. 

McKay is aggressive, dominating, even as he sinks down onto John’s achingly hard cock and starts to move and move, and John can’t do anything but hang on for the ride. He muffles his moans with an arm thrown over his face. Hides himself this way, as well. 

McKay pinches one nipple and John jerks, pushes into the touch, a sound suspiciously like a sob escaping him. 

He can’t remember ever being this turned on. 

  


One

John’s eyes follow the movement, the angry sounds of the wasp fading into the background. 

He doesn’t know, why it happens now. He has known McKay for some time, after all. And he doesn’t want to think about it. Doesn’t even want to try defining this nebulous “it”. 

“We can shoot the thing now”, McKay remarks, and they do. 

  


Eleven

“No”, McKay says. 

  


Five

And it seems, as if nothing had happened. Except – it _had_.

  


Nine

“Shut up!” McKay shoves John backwards against the wall, caging him in. “I know, that you are jealous of Jennifer.” 

And John does shut up. 

They are in the open, in a corridor on Atlantis. Anyone could come by at any moment and see them like this. And McKay could realize… But he already has. 

And John kisses him. 

  


Ten

He can’t do this. “I can’t McKay.” John hides his head at the other man’s neck, breathing in. “Rodney. I can’t.” Even as he speaks, he shoves his hands under McKay’s shirt, strokes over warm skin, pulls him close and feels the hardness of a decidedly male chest against his own. 

They are in McKay’s room again. But this time, John knows exactly, how it happens. 

Step by step he allows himself to be led backwards until his legs touch against the hard frame of a bed. John doesn’t need a shove to fall. 

  


Eleven

“No”, says Rodney. 

  


Ten

John has never allowed anyone to touch him like this. Not even one of all those women he’s had sex with while closing his eyes. 

Now, his eyes are open. Staring at the far wall, the right side of his face buried in a soft pillow. And he tries not to flinch, when Rodney’s finger breaches him, and he allows himself to moan, when Rodney is pushing into him much later. 

_I can’t._ Those words are still in his mind. But they aren’t all that true anymore. 

  


Eleven

“No”, Rodney says. “I won’t let you leave this time.” 

“Stay”, Rodney says. 

And John does. 


End file.
